Jungle Cruise (2021)

**Provided You -_SURVIVE_- All The "OVERKILL🤮 Mud & Slime, & The HUNDREDS Of Bugs|Bees🐝 IN The Slime" . . . . . . . You'll Find That The Film's Long, Enthralling Buildup🌺, And Its Eventual GRAND FINALÉ . . . Are Indeed . . . Absolutely, Positively SPECTACULAR💥😃 .**
A "Good, Old Fashioned", **-{ _B I G_ }-** Screen Full Length Review . Viewed around August 02, '21 .
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Frank Wolff : " Hey , McGregor ! . . . Had a girlfriend once, she was cross-eyed. Didn't work out. We could never see eye to eye ! " .
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**1. " What A Ride 👏❗"** : This is a journey filled with Colour, Beauty, Awe, Drama, _Massive_-Spectacle, but **Most of all , " T O N S . . . OF _HEART_ " .** And then of course, there's all the **_Humour_.** Now, I like to think of myself as a person who has a ( fairly ) high bar when it comes to the funnies, so I just -_have_- to say, Dwayne Johnson's 'Frank Wolff' delivers so **MANY -{ _GENUINELY_ }- RIB TICKLING 'SPUR-OF-THE-MOMENT' PUNS** in Jungle Cruise ( 'J.C', for short ), that I -_Honestly_- couldn't help but get "drawn in", & to the fullest, at that . . . almost '_Every-Single-Time_'. Not to mention all the masterfully executed _Slapstick_ humour 😂 { a little taste of which is in the movie's -"Official Trailer 1"- ( August 2020 ) }. All in all, expect Two-hours-and-seven-minutes of Non-stop **" Lavish, Wholesome, -FAMILY - " entertainment .**
**2. So, Does He Still Charm, Endear, & Delight ?** Short answer : **YES . . .** he can , & -_Does_- , still ( well and truly ) "Rock" The Boat. **HOWEVER,** I sincerely urge you not to expect any particularly 'Oscar-worthy' sort of performance from 'The Man' himself, Mr. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Meaning { things like } : you're just going to get the 'Same-Old', run-of-the-mill _American Accent_ from him yet again . . despite him playing the role of a _Spaniard_ . . living in -Brazil_. ( Although to be fair, this was almost _Certainly_ a directorial-Call by the picture's absolutely **_OUTSTANDING_ 🌠** Director, Jaume Collet-Serra ; for reasons I -Shan't- disclose, for fear of giving away '_too much_' ). Simply -{ _Expect_ }- to see him put in a **"Thorough & Dedicated Performance",** with a few _impressive_ "Surprises" sprinkled in to the mix, for what it's worth. And inasmuchas the sister-brother duo of Emily Blunt's 'Lily Houghton' & Jack Whitehall's 'MacGregor Houghton' are concerned, ready yourself for an incredibly **'FUN'** journey with these two "_Effusive, mega-Talented Stars_ ", and veterans of Film and Telivision, respectively. In the "nascently Post-Victorian" setting of J.C, you are likely to find theses two characters to be nothing less than "sheerly " . . . **ADORABLE, CHARMING, & DELIGHTFUL.**
**3. "Jesse Lon Plemmons" Was The Marvellous "Shock "...** of this huge movie { well for _-Me - _ ateast, that is to say }. He portrays the tyrannically _'Monstrous''_ German **"Prince Joachim :** _your worst nightmare straight outta World War 1_ ", in Jungle Cruise. In real life, he's the partner to bubbly, adorable global **'Giga-star', Kirsten Dunst** { _ALL_ the 'Spiderman' films ( _the ones with with Tobey Maguire, that is_ ) 2002-2007 }. So here's the thing. Not much having been a big afficionado, for the most part at least, of the whole **'Breaking Bad'** thing, { arguably his first 'REALLY, REALLY' big-break ( _as 'Todd Alquist', 11 Episodes, 2012-2013_ ) }, I'd somehow managed to let his **"WHOPPING💥" _Sixty-Three Acting Role Career_ ( _Thus_-**far, at least ) ; somehow slip under the radar, with the sole exception being his ( relatively ) "Diminutive" -yet "tremendously enjoyable"- part as the genuinely likeable 'Jimmy -Ordy- Ord' in 2012's massive blockbuster, 'Battleship'. And _Now_, to see him { almost as though } "coming out of nowhere", take on this _Way_ larger-than-life kind of part ; & play it with Utter, Consummate , **" C L A S S "** . . . . ( oh, & don't even det me -Started- about his _German Accent_ ). . . . suffice to say that his performance was 'Gloriously, Gleefully And Mischievously', well . . . . **" _IMMACULATE_ " .**
**Summation :** It certainly bears mentioning, just before you & I part ways ...that I actually -_went_- on the **"_REAL-LIFE_ CRUISE"** ( that this veritable cinematic gargantuar gets its name from ) at the "_ANAHEIM_"-Disneyland... with my late, & **Super-Beloved Dad 💙,** on his 50th Birthday. Only problem is, I was very much younger at the time, & can -_Barely_- remember it. So, needless to say, this picture had a very special resonance for me. And indeed, if not for the all the titularly referenced, **"GROSS-OUT"** _Mud|Slime|Bees,_ I might just have given this film my { _trademark_ **;)** } 12 or -even 13- out of 10, ( reserved **-_Exclusively_-** for films that I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY enjoy ). However, as that stuff -_DID-_ actually bother me a fair bit, **( SORRY, BUT THAT'S JUST _-ME_- )** . . . It's going to remain a **Solid 10 Marks Out Of 10.** Still " not too shabby , eh " . . . " _Wouldn't 'Ya Reckon_ 😅 💥❓" .

Full review: https://www.tinakakadelis.com/beyond-the-cinerama-dome/2021/12/28/its-brutal-out-here-jungle-cruisenbspreview
Adapted from one of the original Disneyland attractions, _Jungle Cruise_ is Disney’s attempt at another family-friendly adventure movie. It’s hard not to draw comparisons between the franchise adapted from another Disneyland attraction, Pirates of the Caribbean. However, where _Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl_ still stands as one of the finest examples of action movies 18 years after its release, _Jungle Cruise_ falters at the starting block.